Sometimes, I make the horrible mistake of putting my foot in my mouth. Let me explain the unusual outburst and the cause of it. It was obviously directed towards R.
Friday night we had a big fight and it was my fault and I take full responsibility for it. So we made up and Saturday decided to give the entire day to ourselves. We had lunch at a not-so-good place but I wanted to try it since a long time. And bought tickets for the Illusionist. We spent the 40 minutes or so before the movie browsing through an independent book store and I end up buying Everything is Illuminated – Jonathan Safran, (If you haven’t seen the movie, watch it. It’s awesome) and Lord of the Flies. We put some more quarters in the car again and entered the theater. We miscalculated the time and reached when all the best aisle seats were taken so I found two empty seats at the back near two very fat, very old , very wrinkled, very adorable women. They were so beautifully and comfortable situated in their seats that they asked if we could just squeeze through. I had no problems but R has such long legs that he fumbled a little and gave me the look, “didn’t you find any other seats.”
But the movie was AWESOME. Blew our minds away. I’m so glad I went for this movie. We were driving back home when I spotted the monthly art exhibit at Rittenhouse square and begged to R to park the car and look at art with me. We were lucky to find parking in the area and we looked at the not-so-impressive but super-expensive art and as we were walking back our friend Resh called us. We hadn’t seen her in a while so we decided to stay put on Walnut street and grab a drink with her.
We found a cozy bar and got a table and waited for Resh to show up. R complained that I had stopped drinking alcohol and that he missed my company and in a whimsy, I ordered a mojito. The fuking mojito was so strong, that it screwed me over. When Resh came, we hung out for a bit and then walked down the street to her apartment. Resh played an old cassette of Salman Khan songs and I was so tipsy, we laughed at those poufy hair, baby doll frocks and gaudy makeup from the 90’s. did I mention the funky dance steps? Esp. from that movie Panther and Phool or something when he does that jig with Raveena Tandon. I blew us man, did we really grow up watching this stuff?
We were having so much fun but we had to leave. So we made plans to meet in a few hours at Mahagony, the cigar lounge on the street. So R and me hurried home.. we walked through gaybourhood, R was visibly uncomfortable and I was sadly dying to see some drag queens. We grabbed a slice of pizza and walked towards the car. Only- we had forgotten where the car was parked. We hunted and hunted for about 45 minutes and then realized we were hunting on the wrong street. Finally we found the car and headed home. Changed quickly and went to Mahagony. That mojito had totally hit me by now and R was getting a little annoyed with me.
Four of our friends were already there and a few arrived later. So we are all sitting and having a good time and the guys are sharing jokes about the waitresses and from somewhere, someone asked R to ask for one of the waitresses number. I’m not even sure who picked the topic… maybe it was me? But I have no recollection. But then I edged him on and challenged him. He flatly refused and after a bit, I forgot all about it and went to the restroom with my girlfriend. So while my girlfriend showed me her flat worked-out tummy and made me feel miserable about mine, the guys forced R to ask for the waitresses number. He kept refusing but the boys including his best friend kept forcing him. To shut them up (and me, I suppose) he just asked for her number and that bitch gave it to him.
So I come back from the restroom and his best friend smiles at me and shows me the paper napkin with the number on it. And I look slightly bemused at R. and he said, you asked for it. Then, I feel a little bit of pride and confusion and want to kiss R. The fact that he’s still so desired and wanted by other women makes my heart melt. Coz guess who’s going home with this boy? Me.
But that feeling doesn’t last long. The stupid waitress comes by again and whispers to R that he should call her. Now R is feeling bad that he bought her hopes up… so he wants to alleviate his guilt. So he gets and tells me that he’s gonna make sure that the waitress gets the tip and goes to the bar. My eyes follow her and that bloody waitress, overjoyed at his concern, gave him a hug and a kiss on his cheeks. I fumed when I saw that.
And then R started acting oddly with me. And then his best friend Dhru, took us all to his apartment. He had a joint of weed and he thought it would be cool for all of us to smoke it to together. Let me tell you one thing, I’ve never smoked before, not even a cigg. But I kinda always wanted to try weed so I took a puff and it burned my throat. But it was the funnest night we’ve had in a long time even though we didn’t go dancing.

There was hardly enough of that stuff for one person so it didn’t really hit any of us. We chilled for a bit and then trooped back home. R and me just went to bed without saying a word to each other.
In the morning, we spoke up and it was so dreary and dull. We spoke and he told me he was pissed off that I challenged him infront of his friends to ask for that girls number. And just.. one thing led to another and we didn’t talk to each other properly all day. And I kept getting these horrible thoughts of him leaving me for someone else and my mind started overtiming and overworking and argh. It was horrible. We fought in the morning, we fought at nights, we annoyed each other to the extent of breaking up. My alarm pissed him off and him plopping on the bed pissed me off and it was just a dark dark time.

Which probably explains why I wrote that post.

But, things heal and we are healing. He is practical to the point of being a 35 year old in a 24 year old body and I’m idealistic to the point of being a 13 year old in a 23 year old body. And that’s where we clash. So loudly that it rattles and shakes everything around us and the very foundation of what we believe in and how we perceive our lives.
I was once told me a tarot card reader that if I last it out with R for 2 something years, we are for good. But such prophecies are best not believed. How can someone/ anyone tell the future of a relationship when all that exists is the present and our dreams for tomorrow? We are trying to meet each other at 23. I’m trying to grow up for him and he’s learning to be more child-like and more his age for me. And maybe, just maybe it will work out.

The last few days have been spent blissfully in the domesticity of life. We come home late and tired, we cook dinner together (he made awesome dosas last night and my pathetic attempt at making some kerlaite chutney turned out completely something else which was quite delicious) we read together and then we sleep, waking up to yet another routine. But never in my life have I so looked forward to sharing a routine. Especially with him.