Last week was rollercoaster. monday was abi (sis's bf) birthday and we trooped all teh way to new jersey to dine at the mexican food factory. great food, great ambience and everyone showed up. awesome experience! although i cant' rememebr who was sitting enxt to me. i was very tired - getting used to this new routine of goign to bed early and waking up early isn't as easy as I thought it would be.

tuesday was fantastic in every sense of the word. a couple of us went to a Live Indian Ocean concert. R, me and our friend Tina were at a table with two english professors from Penn. such erudite people! the kind of indians I've always wanted to be associated with. we started chatting and I just felt so intellectually fulfilled. the college i went doesn't attract intellectually smart people. not that I am by any means very smart but I sincerely enjoy sparkling conversations and i like to feel my adrenaline rushing and my intelligence quotient rising up. i'm planning on taking classes at penn just so that i can continue my intellectual growth and be in constant company of smart, overachieving indviduals. the profs. we met are moving to london for a year to set up penns south asian program there but i hope it is a connection that will last forever. they were so sophisticated! the husband (husband and wife team) even offered to buy us drinks but we politely declined. and just the tone of their vocies, the confidence infused words -- ahh! I felt so energized that night.

And the concert topped teh evening. I LOVE that band. I remember listening to Kandisa on re-runs as I prepared for my SATS way back in 1999. the group is so chilled out -- we chilled with them after the concert and took pics. even had a drink with rahul, the lead singer! for the first time in my life, i felt that philadelphia had the potential to offer me the kind of life i've alwasy dreamt of. an intellectually and artistically fulfilling one.

then came wednesday night and for the life of me I cannot remember what we did then. but i do know it was something to do with going out somewhere and chilling. thursday maybe was lowkey but friday again was a lot of fun. jolly and me spent the entire day together and just... hung out. it was so much fun.

weekend I finished grocery shopping and my laundry. boring sundry tasks that need to get done. went to barnes and noble, picked up a few books. relaxed... fought with R, made up, chilled some more. actually, we haven't been fighting all taht much now, just friendly fights without which life would be incredible bore.

like this morning! because of my erratic sleep pattern over the weekend, i couldnt fall asleep last night. i tossed and turned and dropped a glass and made a lot of noise in bed and kept waking up R (unintentioanlly!) he wanted to wake up at 5.30am this morning, work out and go to work early, so he could come back home early. but then we both woke up real late this morning. (6.30 am instead of 5.30) and he got pissed off with me and yelled at me in the morning saying, next time if I couldn't fall asleep,I should stay in the living room. I yelled back that if he had such a big problem he should sleep over at his place. he huffed and puffed, i huffed and puffed. we ignored each other and then he took a shower.
but after we got out, we both just looked at each other, mumbled a meek sorry and laughed about it.

i don't get couples that dont fight. how can you not fight? i dont think love can or should be idolized. my test of being in love/ and utterly comfortable wth your partner is your ability to be able to fart and burp infront of them. evn sitting next to them! (not that I condone it and you should fart the next time you are sitting enxt to your beloved) but if you can do that-- then, your relationship is healthy. atleast tahts my measure. also, just coz I'm in love with R and he's in love with me, doesn't mean we have each other on a pedestal. we are flawed human beigns and when in love, our flaws shine out the most coz they actually bother the other person!! my god- how much we fight over my absent-mindedness. the only excuse i ever have which he never buys is : I forgot.
sigh. but i like the little life we've built for ourselves and i hope we can shelter it and allow it to grow.

today i haev some friends over for dinner. am super tierd but really have to feed them. r has to study for his gmats so i wont ask him for help. after this the week should flow smoothly.

workwise- i'm realizing its far more difficult to implement something than to come up with ideas. am learning a lot.. and scared shitless!

inshallah, everything will work out.

familywise -- my kaka, (my dad's elder brother) is very ill. he has only one kidney and it needs a transplant and his wife, my kaki, is going to give him one. financialy, they cannot afford it and the family is going to help out. my family is not super rich and the operation is some 4 odd lakhs ($8000) I told my dad that I'd rather not go to India in dec and offer the money for my ticket for his operation. how can I not? and i dont even feel sad about this option. its not only the right thing to do, but it is the heartfelt thing to do.
my only reason to go to india in dec is for my close friends wedding, but i can always go to dubai and visit her there if i cant make it to the wedding.

i was speakign with karishma (makhtub) and she told me about how she is volunteering at an orphanage. she told me how selfish she felt at the thought of wanting to adopt one of the kids there....she was talking to me how these kids live in the moment and are simply dying for love. i was so touched speaking with her... it reminded me of a part of my life that id simply forgotten about. in my quest to be the number one executive or the most successful woman in america, i had forgotten about giving and loving and being human.

you really need to look beyond yourself sometimes and step back and say, that's enough. which is what i've decided to do now. i am looking for a way to channel this into a cause as well.

today is the first of our eight holy days (Im a jain) and while i am not sure if i believe in religion and it's boundaries, my only prayer to god today is to keep everyone i love and their loved ones safe, healthy and happy. really, that's all i want.