Following your dream can be so difficult sometime. I just met with a reporter at **** magazine. To write for that magazine would be an ultimate dream. Only, I'd have to be an intern to do that. They do not hire freelancers, nor are they hiring anyone right now. And with magazines, who knows when they'll need someone full-time. I was told that I should send in my resume regardless and that the reporter would put in a favorable word for me and have be considered for the Internship Program.

Its a catch 22. I don't know if I can afford an internship program. I don't know if I can afford to live on $6/hour for 3 months. But to deny this opportunity may be someone else's fortune. Sometimes I think, I wonder-- if I had never changed my major, if I was still stuck to b-school, I'd be making $1500 a week. I'd be rich. Unhappy, but rich.

Right now, the fact that I don't have a place of my own. That I'm stil living out of a suitcase at my cousins and out of a closet at my sister's pisses me off. And yet, I know with the way my job situation and work life is working out -- It is wise to save as much money as I can. I still don't have health insurance. Although my parents think I do. I have almost found a place but for $700/month, I am not sure I can afford it.

Sometimes, no matter how much further I go- It always feels like I'm back to square one. Sleeping on someone else's sofa, eating out of someone else's plate and using someone else's shower. Nothing is tangibly mine or something I pay for. Ofcourse, the genorisity of family can never be paid for. but this is a hapless torture I can change nothing about.

But someone once said, "I tried to walk without a dream and I fell down." May as well have been me.