Families and people don't realize that in their stupid efforts to protect one another, they actually end up hurting the other. Often the hurt runs deeper than you can fathom.
My sister got diagonesed with sinus arrythmia. I looked it up, it is not serious. She may have to spend a day at the hospital. A month ago, she spoke to my cousin (the one I am staying with now) that she was feeling a shortness in breath. My cousin, a doctor, advised her to go to a hospital and get a check up done. The hospital did an ECG and the results came back sometime last week that identified sinis arrythmia told my sister that she needed to monitor it.
So my sister called me at work right now and told me this. She said she spoke to my cousin and my cousin thought that my dad and myself should know this now. I didn't freak out or say anything. I hung up.
Who gave my cousin the right to decide when my sister should tell me this news? I have been staying with my cousin for over 2 months now. She never once told me anything. Didn't even tell me that your sister feels shortness of breath, you may want to check up on her about that.
When my cousins dad was getting a by-pass surgery in India, she was here in philly. Everyone, including my parents decided to lie to her so that she wouldn't worry. Only I thought it was wrong. I called her and told her to come to India asap and that her dad might have to get a bypass. I TOLD HER BECAUSE SHE DESERVED TO KNOW, IT WAS HER FATHER.
I DESERVE TO KNOW IF MY SISTER IS NOT FEELING WELL. SHE IS MY SISTER.
I don't know how I will go home and face her tonight. I wont' be able to look into her eye. Because she lied to me. She has been lying to me since the last month. She broke my trust.
I have been crying since I put the phone down. I called up my Dad and he tried to act as if nothing happened coz he doesn't want to tell mom. He waits for this perfect time to talk about everything coz he thinks my mom can't handle some stuff. Like the fact I'm dating a mallu and am thinking about marrying him. Or like the fact that my sister's heartbeat is a little weird, but she's fine because it is very normal.
My fukin family doesn't realize that these betrayls hurt more than their stupid notion of trying to protect others. This is so fucked up. SO fucked up.
Oh yeah, today is also my 2 year anninversary with R. Here, lets toast it.
This is jsut what I needed to know, to gauge the extent of my relationship with my sister. Her fukin boyfriend prolly went with her to the hospital when she got an ECG done. But she won't tell her own sister.
I've never felt this strong dislike towards my family. I don't want to understand their fucked up reasons. All I know is, if they were in my shoes, they'd be just as hurt as I am. And maybe for a second, they deserve to be in my shoes.
There is nothing more painful than knowing you were in the dark when you thought it was light. There is nothing more painful than discovering an existing truth unknown to you.
***
Today I had a dream that R was getting ready to marry someone else and I was secretly relieved and heart-broken at the same time. And I was throwing things at people who were trying to interfere with the way I dealt with that pain.
***
We Indians give too much credit to our families. We don't have the balls to stand up to our parents and tell them you are blody wrong and accept your mistakes. I don't have those guts as well. My parents call me everyday. Every single day and are offended if I don't talk to them for a few days at a stretch. I've been dying to tell them to not call me everyday , to call me on the weekends but I don't have the fukin guts to do that.
***
I don't have the space or time for anyone in my life right now.
***
My family sucks.
My sister got diagonesed with sinus arrythmia. I looked it up, it is not serious. She may have to spend a day at the hospital. A month ago, she spoke to my cousin (the one I am staying with now) that she was feeling a shortness in breath. My cousin, a doctor, advised her to go to a hospital and get a check up done. The hospital did an ECG and the results came back sometime last week that identified sinis arrythmia told my sister that she needed to monitor it.
So my sister called me at work right now and told me this. She said she spoke to my cousin and my cousin thought that my dad and myself should know this now. I didn't freak out or say anything. I hung up.
Who gave my cousin the right to decide when my sister should tell me this news? I have been staying with my cousin for over 2 months now. She never once told me anything. Didn't even tell me that your sister feels shortness of breath, you may want to check up on her about that.
When my cousins dad was getting a by-pass surgery in India, she was here in philly. Everyone, including my parents decided to lie to her so that she wouldn't worry. Only I thought it was wrong. I called her and told her to come to India asap and that her dad might have to get a bypass. I TOLD HER BECAUSE SHE DESERVED TO KNOW, IT WAS HER FATHER.
I DESERVE TO KNOW IF MY SISTER IS NOT FEELING WELL. SHE IS MY SISTER.
I don't know how I will go home and face her tonight. I wont' be able to look into her eye. Because she lied to me. She has been lying to me since the last month. She broke my trust.
I have been crying since I put the phone down. I called up my Dad and he tried to act as if nothing happened coz he doesn't want to tell mom. He waits for this perfect time to talk about everything coz he thinks my mom can't handle some stuff. Like the fact I'm dating a mallu and am thinking about marrying him. Or like the fact that my sister's heartbeat is a little weird, but she's fine because it is very normal.
My fukin family doesn't realize that these betrayls hurt more than their stupid notion of trying to protect others. This is so fucked up. SO fucked up.
Oh yeah, today is also my 2 year anninversary with R. Here, lets toast it.
This is jsut what I needed to know, to gauge the extent of my relationship with my sister. Her fukin boyfriend prolly went with her to the hospital when she got an ECG done. But she won't tell her own sister.
I've never felt this strong dislike towards my family. I don't want to understand their fucked up reasons. All I know is, if they were in my shoes, they'd be just as hurt as I am. And maybe for a second, they deserve to be in my shoes.
There is nothing more painful than knowing you were in the dark when you thought it was light. There is nothing more painful than discovering an existing truth unknown to you.
***
Today I had a dream that R was getting ready to marry someone else and I was secretly relieved and heart-broken at the same time. And I was throwing things at people who were trying to interfere with the way I dealt with that pain.
***
We Indians give too much credit to our families. We don't have the balls to stand up to our parents and tell them you are blody wrong and accept your mistakes. I don't have those guts as well. My parents call me everyday. Every single day and are offended if I don't talk to them for a few days at a stretch. I've been dying to tell them to not call me everyday , to call me on the weekends but I don't have the fukin guts to do that.
***
I don't have the space or time for anyone in my life right now.
***
My family sucks.
Ok,
Chill! I know if I commented with some gyaan now Ud kick my ass...I wont not coz u will kick my ass...lol
But I know you will get it urself, u will figure it out urself, U will be in the same shoes someday that they were in....Life is a full circle it will happen, I am in your shoes with respect to feeling all betrayed by my sis choosing to break certain news when she felt like, after months i finally get it, its normal, its human, so it will happen with me too!!
Ur family does not suck dear, all families are like that, wonder y though
CHeers
Hang in for some time
PS:OH ur guy is a mallu....He shares the same ancestors as me then...Aah no wonder he is kickass...LOL...
The difference between a lie and what I call 'non-disclosure' is the intention behind it. When someone doesn't tell you something, it is probbaly because they feel you'd be better-off not knowing. And to call that person a liar when you come to know about it, is somewhat unfair I think.
It is my experience that hating your family is not a good thing. Because friends and lovers will come and go, but your family will always be there. The problem is we expect them to be what we'd like them to be, and that is something that just won't happen.
Here's to you and R. Shine on!
Just read a speech today and I think it's worth quaoting a para from the speech.
It's a Baccalaureate Speech by Guy Kawasaki named "hindsights" delivered in 1995.
Check it out.
------------
Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
This is the most important hindsight. It doesn’t need much explanation.
I’ll just repeat it: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
Nothing-not money, power, or fame-can replace your family and friends or
bring them back once they are gone. Our greatest joy has been our baby,
and I predict that children will bring you the greatest joy in your
lives—especially if they graduate from college in four years.
And now, I’m going to give you one extra hindsight because I’ve probably
cost your parents thousands of dollars today. It’s something that I hate
to admit too.
By and large, the older you get, the more you’re going to realize that
your parents were right. More and more—until finally, you become your
parents.
I know you’re all saying, “Yeah, right.” Mark my words.
------------
Guys
I dont think the post was an IHATE MY FAMILY feeling
It was just venting out some of the anger and frustration, which all of us mostly experience on and off but none of us have the guts or courage to just say it aloud! I know for sure I probably wouldnt be writing it,
Im sure Citylights is going to understand it in some time, few days, few months, few years but it will come but I believe that she does not at all hate her family in the pure hate way, just some conflicts, well who doesnt have that??
Yayy we are all human, what a wonderful feeling!!lol
cheers